(Joy Loverde is a best-selling author and popular public speaker, specializing in keynotes and workshops for family members and professionals in the eldercare industry.)
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Who will take care of me when I’m old? is the unsettling question that is on the minds of millions of people who are and will be aging alone — the never-married, separated, widowed, and divorced population. Rarely do solo agers, or anyone else for that matter, take this question any further. And they should.
At its core, clients will look to you, the professional, to engage them in open and honest conversations about one of their deepest fears about aging –- dying alone.
Bring Up the Past
As long as I can remember, people are divided into distinct mindsets about preparing for death. Some understand the immediacy of planning for the day they hope will never come, others conclude that having their legal and financial affairs in order is enough of a plan.
Family caregiving plays a significant role in the willingness to plan for death. The experience of caring for our elders, and helping them walk through death’s door, opens our eyes to a variety of end-of-life experiences.
Asking clients about their negative eldercare experiences may serve as an opportunity for you to open up the dialogue about planning for a good death. Former family caregivers are often determined never to let misfortunes happen to them.
Where You Die Matters
When asked about long-term care planning, many people express the desire to remain in their own home for as long as possible. This concept is referred to as “age-in-place”.
In terms of the quality of this long-term care plan, aging-in-place is a doable solution for solo home dwellers until they find out the hard way that it isn’t. Advertisements enticing residents to install grab bars and motorized stair chairs are not helping matters with their simplistic messaging.
Solo agers may not have the wherewithal to give the age-in-place concept the forethought and planning it requires. For this reason, clients may look to you as a one-stop shop for obtaining trusted referrals. Consider the following resources:
- Aging Life Care Professional: Care managers assist in creating long-term care plans and finding eldercare services. Website: www.aginglifecare.org.
- Independent Board-Certified Patient Advocate: Helps with medical transactions, early discharge, medical interpretations, medical billing, insurance, and complaints about care. This professional acts as a liaison between patients and the health-care team. Website: www.npaf.org.
- Medicare Advisor: Helps understand Medicare and Medicaid, including paying for hospice and palliative care. They also organize medical bills and negotiate coverage for medical services before and after receiving care. Type “Medicare consultant” in the Internet search engine.
- Veteran’s Benefits Consultant: Offers assistance in qualifying for benefits and helps complete digital forms to submit to the Veteran’s benefits office. Type “veteran’s benefits advisor” in the Internet search engine.
Early-Onset Alzheimer’s: The Value of Knowing
Dementia is designated “early onset” when it affects people of working age, usually between 30 and 65 years old. If your client is diagnosed with early-onset dementia, there are specific resources to lead them to in order to die a good death:
- National Council of Certified Dementia Practitioners: nccdp.org
- Alzheimer’s Association: alz.org
- The Alzheimer’s Society: alzheimers.org.uk
- To Whom I May Concern®: http://towhomimayconcern.org
- Memory Cafes – are gathering places that offer people a place to laugh and relax. Do an Internet keyword search: Memory café, Alzheimer’s café.
No One Dies Alone
No one is born into this world alone, and in the best of circumstances, no one dies alone. With people living longer than ever before, however, outliving family and friends is a modern-day reality.
Solo agers have the opportunity now to establish relationships with professionals who specialize in death and dying. A comprehensive list of specialists is offered in my book, Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old?
One resource in particular is worth a special mention — death midwife, also known as death doula and end-of-life guide. These professionals work in concert with doctors, nurses, and other health-care professionals, but do not replace them. They perform specific tasks — sort medical bills, legal paperwork, manage advance directives — as well as provide spiritual and emotional support at the end of life. They can step in early in the process, helping both the healthy and the terminally ill. Services and fees vary widely. To locate resources, type “death midwife” into your Internet search engine or contact the International End of Life Doula Association (www.inelda.org).
In conclusion, the world is in a dramatically different place than it was a decade ago. And yet, I am hopeful that you will meet the challenges that lie ahead. Partnerships with other professionals will help get you there.
Not only does collaborating with other advisors enhance your business credibility, joining forces is what will ultimately make a real difference in the lives of solo agers everywhere.
Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey. Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.
Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
A Penn State survey found that ” 6.6 percent of U.S. adults 55 and older have neither a spouse nor biological children still alive. Just 1 percent of older Americans have essentially no relatives at all alive, including a spouse, partner, children, or biological parents or siblings.” This situation will become more common as the US population ages.
Thank you for your comment, Gary.
INELDA is a training program, but not the only one (just the most well-known). There is a wide range of training programs that can put their emphasis on different things. The National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (https://www.nedalliance.org/) does not train doulas but has a directory of both training programs and an end-of-life doula directory and offers a proficiency exam since there is no standardized curriculum at this time.
Thank you for commenting, Alison.