(Greg Barnsdale wrote Do Not Ignore Your Mortality – Practical Advice From a Funeral & Financial Insider. As a licensed funeral director, Certified Executor Advisor, Certified Financial Planner, and hospice volunteer, he stresses the importance of end-of-life planning, which helps reduce the stress of aging, leaves survivors more resilient and likely to get along, increases social capital, and improves the judicial system and the economy. He is an advocate for the Death Positive Movement.
Editor’s note: This exit took place in a Canadian hospital, but would not have happened in a US healthcare facility unless in a MAiD state.)
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Almost a year ago, my cousin Randy had several strokes. He lost use of his left arm and left leg. He was unable to move back into his home and remained hospitalized with no chance of recovery.
Whenever I visited him, he expressed frustration and often said, “This is no way to live.” As months passed, he began speaking about Medical Aid in Dying (MAiD). This broke my heart because Randy was like a brother to me. We had a lot of history.
My heart sank when he told me he had been approved for MAiD, and the date was set. I knew Randy did not want to live the rest of his life in a long-term care facility. I respected his position and told him I might decide the same if I were in his shoes.
On the day of his planned death, I arrived at the hospital early. Other relatives and friends were there. The air was heavy with a reluctant uneasiness. It was challenging to know what to say. We knew what was going to happen.
Each of us took turns spending a little time with Randy before the MAiD process began. It was incredibly difficult to say goodbye for the very last time. Each of us walked out of the room with watery eyes and a broken heart. Other relatives and friends waiting outside eagerly hugged and supported each other.
Randy’s three adult children and a close friend were to be at his side as he took his last breath. The entire group of us, over a dozen plus several hospital staff, all gathered around his bed as the staff prepared his intravenous tube. It was obvious that everyone wanted to be next to him. Hearing the loving, supportive comments and the music he liked was heartwarming. We were all shedding tears through smiles as we stood in awe of Randy and his bravery.
The doctor in charge asked him if he knew what was about to happen. Randy indicated it was for MAiD. The physician explained he would be injecting several medications through the tube into his arm, and a short time later, it would result in his death. Randy agreed, and the process began.
The first medication was a sedative, which made him very tired. So much so that he yawned and closed his eyes. We continued to talk and support him, not knowing if he could hear us. They say that hearing is the last sense to go.
The following medications seemed to put Randy into a deeper sleep. His jaw relaxed, and there was no further movement. After the doctor had injected the medications, he used his stethoscope to confirm that Randy had died. He and other staff respectfully left the group of us alone with our loved one.
Looking back on this experience, I must admit it was a very peaceful process. As a funeral director with years of experience, who has been involved in many traumatic deaths, I now better appreciate why so many are choosing to end their life on their terms.
Humans crave control, and that strong urge remains throughout our lives, even to the bitter end. Having this choice is extremely important.
I hope that access to quality end-of-life choice continues to evolve in harmony with our rights and freedoms, so those of us who want a good death can have it.
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Final Exit Network (FEN) is a network of dedicated professionals and caring, trained volunteers who support mentally competent adults as they navigate their end-of-life journey. Established in 2004, FEN seeks to educate qualified individuals in practical, peaceful ways to end their lives, offer a compassionate bedside presence and defend a person’s right to choose. For more information, go to www.finalexitnetwork.org.
Payments and donations are tax deductible to the full extent allowed by law. Final Exit Network is a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.
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Thank you for your account, but I don’t understand–was your brother diagnosed as going to expire within six months? My understanding is that that is a requirement in order to utilize MAiD? Thank you.